I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
