so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
