she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Well I just put wine in my tea
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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