does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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