She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
