im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
