You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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