I saw his package. It spoke to me.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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