i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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