Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
