marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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