he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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