Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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