I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
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