She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
