I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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