Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
