I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
