the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
