ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
