How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
