Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
