I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
