Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
