During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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