She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
