I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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