I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
