My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
