They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
