Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
