spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
