Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
