My sheets look like a crime scene.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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