Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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