she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
