I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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