My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
