You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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