I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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