I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I have fence marks all over my body
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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