ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
