just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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