Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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