plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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