i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
