i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
