Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
