i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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