Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
