the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
